i think my tv is drunk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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