im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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