i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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