she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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