I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
