She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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