i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
