She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize