All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
