You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
