I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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