life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Damn victory sex feels great
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
