I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
