Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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