Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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