So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
