I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
