2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
