Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
