I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
