there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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