think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize