I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
