she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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