she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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