i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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