just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
