booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
