And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
