And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
