i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
