I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
