I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize