You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
