making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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