physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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