I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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