So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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