so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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