True but thats because hes a fetus.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
