Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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