im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
