if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
