i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
