hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
