I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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