remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
