Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
