I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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