Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
