the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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