It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
