I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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