I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
