I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
