i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
