who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
