evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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