I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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