its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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