Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
