Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize