I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
