Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
