Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
