fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
