its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
