I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
