My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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