Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
