mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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