Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
